Raccoons are an established part of suburban wildlife. They can live in a sewer drain, have no natural predators and get nightly handouts via outdoor pet food bowls and bird feeders. I get many questions about these little masked bandits, including ones about keeping a raccoon as a pet, which is illegal in most states. A retelling of a pet raccoon story (when it was legal) may be instructive.

We found an abandoned baby raccoon in a hollow tree, brought it home and fed it enriched milk from a doll’s bottle for about a week. Teaching our big dog, Nero, that the baby raccoon was not a meal seemed important. Fortunately, Nero merely found the visitor entertaining. The raccoon began eating cereal and baby food, and tottering around the house. We soon decided he should stay in the backyard as I had no idea how to housebreak a raccoon. As it turned out, we never had a problem. We also reasoned that if he wanted to be a pet, he could come in and out like the dog. Or he could choose to leave and be a regular raccoon. He preferred the dog routine, coming in to eat out of a bowl or a hand, sleeping on a rug beside the couch, making himself quite at home.

One day we watched this 2-pound raccoon stalk along the couch toward Nero, who was asleep on the floor. Before I could stop the seeming insanity, he pounced from above, landing right on Nero’s back and then running behind the couch. The dog looked up and made a half-hearted snap at the disappearing ringed tail. A moment later the raccoon climbed over the couch and repeated the stalking, pouncing and running. Nero again snapped at the air. We watched in amazement as this sham attack and lame defense were carried out more than 30 times! After that he began to play other fighting games with Nero, just like a puppy.

He had quickly learned to come when a food bowl was clanged with a spoon. Pavlov’s raccoon. One day, he joined us for breakfast, not just at the table but on it, clear evidence that raccoons are as smart as dogs and as agile as cats. I immediately put him outside. Three minutes later he was on the table again, trying to snitch a piece of toast. No outside doors were open, so how had he gotten inside? I put him out again and watched this wily creature climb our oak tree, walk out on a limb, jump on the roof and come through an unlatched window. I almost beat him back to the table. He also learned to open the sliding door with his nimble little fingers. None of our other pets could do that. He later learned to turn the doorknob and open the back door to let himself in. I designed a mechanism to keep the refrigerator door latched, as he had learned to open that, too.

During the summer he gained several pounds and spent most nights outdoors, scrambling down from the oak tree when we went outside in the morning. Then one day, I went to the pantry and beheld our fatter-than-ever raccoon sitting on the top shelf with both hands in a box of cereal. That was also the day I found him a home in the country with a friend who wanted a pet raccoon.

I am not advocating for anyone to make pets of raccoons or other wild animals. It may be illegal, so check your state’s wildlife laws. And raccoons sometimes have rabies or distemper. But I am convinced that with a few generations of selective breeding and with the level of attention we give our cats and dogs, raccoons could become household favorites. If given the chance, most of them would probably just as soon come on inside and enlist as family pets.

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